Religion in the News

Air Force One is Rapture Ready

by Elroy Willis

WASHINGTON DC -- Air Force One has been officially declared "Rapture Ready" by a team of Pentagon and Air Force officials who have been working tirelessly with a team of evangelical Christian leaders who expressed concerns about what might happen to President Trump if Jesus comes back while Air Force One is in the air.

"We think President Trump is Born Again and will most likely be raptured, but we want to cover all bases," they said.

"We want to make sure that President Trump is taken care of in the case that everyone else on the plane is raptured and he's the only one left behind."

"We decided to make sure to have only atheist pilots on Air Force One so if the President is left behind, there will be a pilot who won't be raptured and they'll be able to safely land the plane and make sure President Trump doesn't die in a crash."

When asked for comments about the plan, President Trump said "I want the American people to know that if I happen to be flying around in Air Force One when Jesus comes back, I'll still be in contact with the American people via my cell phone and Twitter."

"I'll be Tweeting messages down to Earth to all my fans and waving out the window to anyone who comes floating by on their way up to meet Jesus."

Non-believers and many Christian critics alike say that President Trump isn't a real Christian and there's no way he'll be raptured when Jesus comes back.

"Not all Christians believe in the rapture, so the President is making a fool of himself and embarrassing us rational Christians," say several spokespeople for Christian groups who oppose the new "Rapture Ready" idea.

According to some Air Force officials, Air Force One is equipped with a highly sophisticated remote control system which allows it to take off and land with no one actually at the controls except the people in the Pentagon and certain key people in the FAA.

"We can send Air Force One's auto-pilot remote commands in the event of a hijack or some other situation where the aircraft is out of control or unmanned because the crew has been raptured, or taken hostage, or something else which prevents anyone on board from actually flying the plane. But if everyone who's remote controlling the plane are also raptured, then we might be in trouble."

"There's nothing to worry about when Jesus comes back, I've got it all under control," the President said. "I know more about flying an airplane than anybody and can land better than anybody."

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